Pushing Down On Me

Pressure (aka Presh-ah)

Sometimes it's great. Sometimes it's not.

It's great for me when I need a deadline. I don't usually get things done unless I have a date (and a consequence) at the end of the timeline. I know myself and I know this to be true. Yes, self-help gurus, I've tried changing, but I am who I am.

It's not great for me when I feel like this is serious. When I'm thinking to myself that this is the real deal here, and that I can't mess up, then I freeze and get caught up in my head. I tell myself that I can't make a mistake because it's permanent, and that's when I get stiff and nothing turns out like how my sketches are. Not only in painting does this happen. It's also in life.

Well, ya know what. I'm learning that I gotta stop trying to force being correct, and start laughing as I do. As soon as I don't care about how much money the paint is, I have a great time. Once I have a great time, my mind opens up about how much fun I'm having, and that sparks creativity. So much of my concern is that I'm going to waste. I'm wasting this expensive canvas. I'm going to waste my paint. I'm going to waste all the hours I worked on it before if I mess it up now. This is no time to be penny pinching! It's time to expand. To try and mess up! Fall! Ruin it! and laugh, and learn from the mistake until it's better. Plus, there's always room for plenty of happy accidents. Those are usually the best parts of the painting later.

I'm learning that I have this a certain preference for artwork to look at, but that may not be the same type of artwork that I'm good at creating. I've got to stop forcing it into place and just let it be. Is it a war against the subconscious and the conscious brain?? The world may never know.

In the words of the late great, James Brown, "Get up offa that thang, And try to release that Presh-ah!"